Not every Kardashian wants their picture taken.

Rob Kardashian has officially been charged with battery and petty theft after attacking a paparazzo who took a surprise shot of him back in March.

Kassandra Perez, who filed a civil suit against Kardashian last month, claims that he struck her when she tried to snap pictures of him in a public parking lot and made off with the memory card from her camera.

The 26-year-old has admitted that he’s gained a bit of weight following his break-up with Brit star Rita Ora and finds himself uncomfortable with his body now.

“Every time I hop in the shower and see myself naked, I cry,” he said during a recent interview. “Because my penis looks so small now.”

Yeah….

Rob is said to be partaking in a huge weight loss program and obviously didn’t want pictures of his body getting out to the public.

Both charges against him are misdemeanors, which means there won’t be any jail time.

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Rob Kardashian celebrated his 25th birthday at 1Oak Nightclub at the Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas on Saturday.

Maybe his patience for the cameras, attention-seeking and publicity appearances has waned. Or maybe he’s thinking about that time his mother posted a photo of herself topless while pregnant with him. Wait, whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

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Good news for Kardashian fans: Now may be your chance to get Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe in the bedroom (I personally wouldn’t mind getting brother Rob in the shower). TMZ has recently learned that the Kardashians have filed documents with the U.S. Patent and Trademark office for a line of home furnishings.

The products will reportedly be released under the name “Kardashian Kollection Home.” It’s still unclear whether the misspelling of “collection” was the result of narcissism (the hallmark of the Kardashian family) or sheer stupidity, but either way, the girls stand to make significant financial gains (isn’t life unfair?).

I’m sorry, but has everyone forgotten why these girls are famous in the first place? Since when does having sex with Ray-J and filming it qualify you to design a line of home furnishings? No offense to Kim, but I tend not to think of people who film themselves getting intimate with D-list celebrities as paradigms of good taste.

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Dancing With the Stars, which returns to ABC on September 19, announced its new cast tonight.

Obviously a Kardashian will be hitting the ballroom floor.

Full list of hoofers after the jump!

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Are you keeping up with the Kardashians? Koz Kim’s brother Krob’s kock got hard after he accidentally swallowed organic male enhancement pills his mom Kris intended for his step-dad Bruce Jenner. “I haven’t had an erection problem since I was in middle school,” says 22-year-old big bootied Rob. “I have a boner and it will not go away.”

So off to the doctor he went, with family in tow, to figure out why he’s so hard up.

Doctor’s prognosis: He had taken some sort of Viagra-like drug.

Ruh-roh!

This leaves mama Kris with no other choice but to confess what happened. And she says the explanation is simple, really: She slipped some make-her-beg-for-more pills in Bruce’s morning coffee (unbeknownst to Bruce). A switcheroo occurred and Rob accidentally drank the love juice. “Honey, you are a smart lady, but sometimes you do the dumbest @$#^$&$^@$,” Bruce cooed. “This is about the dumbest you’ve gotten so far.”

And now for the money shot: Video and stills of Rob Kardashian in his underwear from season 2 of Keeping Up with the Kardashians after the jump! You’re welcome.
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