What are you gonna do when the penis of Hulk Hogan comes for you?

Oh, man, that did not sound right at all.

Anyway, if you’re one of the few who didn’t get to catch the wrestling legend get it on with his then best friend’s wife, you’re pretty much out of luck: the 59-year-old won his case against web site Gawker, who had posted clips of the romp between he and Heather Clem and now has a temporary restraining order against their media firm, Gawker Media.

In her ruling Wednesday, Judge Pamela Campbell of the Sixth Judicial Circuit in Pinellas County ordered Gawker Media to remove all the footage of the video from the gossip site and its affiliates and return to Hogan’s attorneys all copies and versions of the full-length sex tape, including excerpts, clips, photos and transcripts.

Gawker had attempted to use the defense that it had become national news by the point of the lawsuit and that the clip had been seen by many eyes — obviously, to no avail.

Hulk had pretty much sued everyone, including his partner in the video and her husband, Bubba the Love Sponge (who he claimed set him up). They reached a confidential agreement months ago.

It doesn’t matter, though — we’ve all known where that mustache has been now.

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It seems like sex was Hulk Hogan‘s biggest enemy this year: getting caught having sex with your best friend’s wife on camera will do that to you.

But rather than move forward from that area completely (the official case was settled out a while ago), the aging wrestler has decided to use it to his advantage an open a restaurant.

Or, in his words, a “breastaurant”. You can’t make this stuff up, people.

The Tampa Bay eatery will open it’s doors on New Year’s Eve and the Hulkster is calling it “Jimmy Buffett’s [Margaritaville] times 10; Hooters times 10.”

Yeah. My mouth is just watering.

“It’s a logical extension of the Hogan brand, with my image and likeness. In 36 years I’ve become so tangible to the public, and not just Americans. We have a chance to have an international draw.”

Known as “Hogan’s Beach”, the not-so-family-friendly place will have “[a] mechanical shark,” volleyball courts, fire pits, a live music stage, beach cabanas and a huge deck.” And if it does well, he hopes to make it the center of a brand new reality show.

“[But] I’m not bringing the cameras into my house this time. I’m not going to make that mistake again.”

Maybe you should stay away from all sorts of cameras, dude.

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Sometimes, the internet is not such a good thing.

The judge in the Hulk Hogan sex tape trial ruled against the wrestler today, saying that the clip of him getting it on with his then best friend’s wife can stay online for the foreseeable future.

Hogan has been in a legal battle with the website Gawker, suing them for $100 million for posting the captures of him laying his Hulk-a-mania into Heather Clem, the wife of radio DJ Bubba The Love Sponge. He had requested a preliminary action in hopes of getting the clip removed while he fought the battle.

But the judge denied his request yesterday, saying that he failed to prove that the site violated his First Amendment right, adding that everyone has already seen the “tape” and therefore, removing it wouldn’t help his privacy.

So if you wanna see… it’s out there.

Don’t see it. Please.

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Well, this is just kind of skeevy.

Hulk Hogan is officially part of a crew now — a crew of men who have secretly had their freaky-deeky moments filmed with the same woman!

There are now three more tapes being shopped around of Heather Clem sleeping with other men in the very same bed she shared a “private” moment with Hulk on. In one of the videos, Heather even walks up to the camera to make sure the red light is going.

In one of the videos, she’s heard telling someone (not Hulk or her husband, Bubba The Love Sponge), “Is this thing recording? Okay, not that I don’t trust you but I will get in trouble if it doesn’t.”

It seems like she could do as she wanted with other men, as long as her husband had footage to watch later.

Ew!

Heather and Bubba haven’t spoken on the new developments. Are you surprised?

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What’cha gonna do when the Hulk comes for you?

Well, if you’re his good friend’s wife, he’ll see you in court.

Wrestling icon Hulk Hogan is planning to sue his best friend, radio personality Bubba The Love Sponge, over secretly recording him while he had sex with Bubba’s wife a couple of years back. The video is being currently being sold to the highest bidder, but a clip of the romp found it’s way online not too long ago.

According to reports, Hulk’s planning to push on charges for invasion of privacy in Florida’s court system. He says that Bubba and his wife, Heather conspired to release the video for profit.

The tape itself proves this: after Hulk goes after… well, you can guess what, Bubba walks back into the room with his wife laying on the bed and says, “If we ever did want to retire, all we’d have to do is use this footage.”

The Hulkster is also planning to sue the website that posted the minute-or-so clip.

This is probably the one time he didn’t want people to see him pinning someone down.

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