Can I introduce you to my favorite new person, Geri™ The Complete Nursing Skills Manikin / Mannequin?

She’s a realistic nursing teaching doll with the face of Jermaine Jackson and the body of Cloris Leachman, only Geri is so much cooler. She’s got a bed sore on her butt and foot, cancer Melanoma on her shoulder, one dilated eye and a vagina that has internal reservoirs and plumbing used for various functions. Are you going to have fun with this one or what?

Sorry fellas (or laaaadies), this does NOT work as a sex doll. But kudos if you give it a try. It’s currently on sale on Ebay for $200, but retails for $1400. What a deal, huh?

Here’s the product description:

Wow! What a find, just back from the Worlds Longest Yard Sale. Six hundred miles of sales covering five states, Hwy. 127, Crossville Tn. My partner and I both spotted this beauty at the same time. She was sitting on a saddle, draped in a red Matador’s cape, SO INTRIGUING! No wig, a man’s face and grandma’s boobs. Come to find out it’s called a  “Geri™ The Complete Nursing Skills Manikin”.  She is not new but is in excellent health, except for a bed sore on her butt and foot, what appears to be Cancer ” Melanoma”on her shoulder, one dilated eye, one normal, you get the picture:

She is ideal for preparing students for working  with real-life geriatric patents.

*****A few of her attributes are:*****

* She has an elderly appearance, with life like wrinkles and folds, age spots, and her hands and feet are oh so soft.

* Her  legs can easily be removed for convienent storage or transportation.

* She has a full range of motion and the nonpinch joints allows for realistic patient positioning.

* She has pads for “shot giving” in the arm, leg and hip.

* Her dental plates, both upper and lower can be removed, they are attached in a life-like mouth.

*She comes with complete female genitalia, with internal reservoirs and plumbing used for various functions. A very realistic teaching aid! Attachment of the male genitals, not included in this auction, converts it for male catherization and prostate examination simulations.

* She has flex-tubing from her nose and mouth to her lung\pouch, also one extra pouch.

Above: Jermaine Jackson (at left), GERI™. They have the same same big, beautiful brown eyes and painted hair.

Above: GERI™ and Cloris Leachman (inset). Granny boobs!

More snaps in the jump!

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You know how Lindsay Lohan convinces SamRon to toss her salad…

Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s – 1810s)
The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, primarily thte resuscitation of drowning victims.  A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke towards the rectum.  The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration, but doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “blow smoke up one’s ass.”

Via Tophat Tobacco

OMG, you too can own a piece of history. The World Famous Hamburger Bed is now on Ebay. Bidding started at a value menu price of 99 cents and as of today it’s at $560.

Here’s what the owner has to say about it:

After months of saying it’s “not for sale,”
a series of personal misfortunes are requiring me to make sacrifices… one of which is selling my bed.
It will be an honor not to pass on a replica, but to sell the ORIGINAL in a spirit of pure fun.

Because it was never intended to belong to anyone else, the materials are the best I could get at the time. So, the mattress is a round mattress from the 70s with a lot of wear.
There is no pattern for my design- I patched the bedding together freehand.
The “meat”, “Cheese” (memory foam cover), “lettuce”, and “top burger bun” (duvet cover, removing interior pillows) are all machine washable.
-You may have to replace some renegade sesame seed after a wash

You hear that? A lot of wear from the ’70s. Bow chicka wow wow. That’s nothing a Tide Bleach Pen can’t fix. I wonder what sort of variety of person would want to get laid or even sleep in the hamburger bed. Kirstie Alley? Wynonna Judd? Ronald McDonald?

As seen in the curiously ironic “I’m not fat” Jessica Simpson issue of InTouch:

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For those of you with dirty minds who typed in PeePeeface.com and expected to see some hot, fetishy action (I’m talking to you R. Kelly, Ricky Martin and possibly Jennifer Aniston), think again. The Web site is hawking custom made urinal screens that feature the image of anything and anyone you can think of–it’s perfect for passive aggressive jokes, or as the company slyly puts it

Versatile messaging for advertising, Public Sercvice announcements, expressing a funny point of view or just to play a prank on someone in the men’s room

Whatever.

You can go to the PeePeeFace.com yourself and upload images of anyone you’d like to see as a urinal screen. Happy pissing!

Here are some of the orders I just put in of the most important people in the world:

The world’s oldest bitch first supermodel, Janice Dickenson:

World’s biggest douche:

World’s biggest douche fastest man (in water or at a bong pipe):

I can’t think of any greater invention than this electronic spin the bottle game! Holy shit, this is the equivalent of potty training for hobags.

Check out some of the helpful customer reviews:

7 out of 10 found this review helpful, from: What A Blast

Someone brought this game to a party we had and it totally broke the ice. It’s like that old game spin the bottle, but it actually talks and tells you what to do. It plays truth or dare with you and tells you to kiss people and stuff. And it asks the most embarassing questions. I wouldn’t recommend it for little kids, though. I gave it 4 stars for educational value because if little kids played it, they’d learn some things!

0 out of 5 people found this review helpful, from A Kid’s Review:

spin the bottle is not v. gd because there is not many saying on it + they arn’t v. gd anyway. it needs better saying + more. It is rubbish and it so needs 2 be taken off the market.

So ultimately it’s rubbish

Oh, and take a guess here–what other game do you think is commonly purchased with the electronic spin the bottle??? Check the jump!

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