SNL alum and 30 Rock darling Tracy Morgan performed a hysterical stand-up set last night at Carnegie Hall as part of the NY Comedy Festival.

Here are some of the best parts:

On women rejecting men in bars: “That’s girls’ thing now. They go out just to say no. ‘I got a boyfriend.’ Yeah where he at?”

(WAHAHA) “You gotta stick your tongue in her f-cking butthole. That’s my whole thing: buttholes and toes.”

“Incredible Hulk is a drunk white dude in a bar. He couldn’t be black. Hulk would be turning green over every little thing.”

“Michael could molest the sh-t out of me and I’m a grown man. I would brag about that sh-t on the corner.”

“It’s give and take. If she gagging, you got to toss the salad.”

“Barack probably had Michelle in the window doggy-style. ‘Yes, Mr. President, yes Mr. President.’”

“Everybody knows white boys can’t dance. Motherf-ckers look like toddlers + sh-t.” (Cue: toddler dance).

On getting in trouble for gay humor, “If you can take a dick, you can take a joke.”