The Daytime Emmy Awards honored some of the least famous people in showbiz, on some of the least-talked-about shows on TV, that most WORKING people can barely commit to watch regularly. Let’s take a look at some of the red carpet prodigies of last night’s broadcast.

Boobies Prodigy: Talk show hostess newbie Wendy Williams proves she has the biggest balls boobs in daytime TV. SERIOUSLY.

And just to add perspective, I’ve included an image of the planet Jupiter.

DILF Prodigy: Has 38-year-old Days of our Lives (and formerly of Passions) hottie Galen Gering ever looked better? Wait, actually.

Nevermind.

Most Famous Star at the EMMY’s Prodigy: Big Bird–and he even got dressed up, though he did forget his pants. I hear the same thing happens to Charlie Sheen.

OMG Prodigy: Bryton James (Eric McClure), better known as Little Richie from Family Matters, is now 23 years old and on The Young and the Restless.

WTF Prodigy: Stacy Haiduk from The Young and the Restless wore a cat as an accessory.

You think she likes cats?

Hair Prodigy: Megan Napier (daughter of Charles Napier) channeled another animal lover….

Wax Prodigy: Madame Tussauds unveiled a wax statue of The Young and the Restless fossil Brenda Dixon.

UPDATE: That’s not a Madame Tussauds statue, but she is made entirely of wax.

Ageless Prodigy: Soap icon Susan Lucci still manages to defy the aging process.

Cute Couple Prodigy: 12 time Emmy Award winner Ellen with wife Portia de Rossi. Ellen’s giving Portia that “this shit is mine” man-hold. You betta do it, gurl! I’m waiting for that sex tape.

Hot Piece Prodigy: All My Children star Cameron Mathison, looking HOT on the red carpet. Allow me to share a Cameron Mathison moment: I was at JFK, on a vacation to NYC a long time ago and saw the hottest man ever, though for a few seconds I couldn’t figure out who he was. I stoped and stared. The man waved at me and had the biggest smile ever. Suddenly, I realized–it was Cameron Mathison. I guess he realized I recognized him. Ok, that’s all. No dirty sex in the bathroom or anything. And for those of you that continue to believe the “he wears thongs” rumors, check out this clip that proves otherwise:

Single Black Female Prodigy: Tyra Banks in stilettos that should be registered as lethal weapons. You remember that scene from Single While Female when psychobitch f*cks her roommate’s man then nails him in the eye with her stiletto. Then she puts the heels back on and goes for a walk. T’was tranny FIERCE.

Annoying Prodigy: There’s only one way to shoot Dr. Phil and his family.

And it looks something like this.

Senior-but-cute Prodigy: At 60 years old, Patrick Duffy can do no wrong.

Except for the shoes. You’re not getting in the club with those shoes.

Check out the complete list of winners at 2009 Daytime Emmy Awards.

Drama series: “The Bold and the Beautiful.”

Lead actress in a drama series: Susan Haskell, “One Life to Live.”

Lead actor in a drama series: Christian LeBlanc, “The Young and the Restless.”

Supporting actress in a drama series: Tamara Braun, “Days of Our Lives.”

Supporting actor in a drama series (tie): Vincent Irizarry, “All My Children,” and Jeff Branson, “Guiding Light.”

Younger actress in a drama series: Julie Berman, “General Hospital.”

Younger actor in a drama series: Darin Brooks, “Days of Our Lives.”

Game-audience participation show: “Cash Cab.”

Game show host: Meredith Vieira, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.”

Talk show-entertainment: “Rachael Ray.”

Talk show-informative: “The Tyra Banks Show.”

Talk show host: Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Sherri Shepherd, Barbara Walters, “The View.”

Morning program: “Good Morning America.”

Directing in a drama series: “One Life to Live.”

Writing in a drama series: “General Hospital.”

Performer in a children’s series: Kevin Clash, Elmo in “Sesame Street.”

Lifetime achievement: “Sesame Street.