Was it just me or did Butterface look hot on The Tonight Show, Tuesday? He somewhat skirted the bong-photo issue and re-stated that he’s going to start focusing on his goals, though he doesn’t want to state what they are exactly at this time (my guess would be breaking more impossible swimming records $$$$$cha-ching$$$$$ and keep those checks coming in). Those Michael Phelps Thermoses aren’t going to sell themselves. Conan O’Brien also complimented Phelps on his “perfect swimmer’s body” — he wears size 13-14 shoes (HELLO) and the two compared wing span. I’ve got a wing span I’d like to compare with you too, Butterface.

He’s also a writer! Beauty AND brains? Impossible, I tell you. How to Train with a T. Rex and Win 8 Gold Medals is his first penned children’s book that he says “It’s a fun way for kids to learn and for me to get a lot of different messages out there.” Different messages like “Drugs: bad,” Threesomes: good.”

Watch the clip in the jump!