There’s just something so melodramatic and lame about those “learning center” commercials that look like they were made in 1999 and always air while you‘re watching the morning news. They’re all the same: A douchebag 13-year-old who listens to Anthrax–an over dramatic mother who probably needs to get laid more often–and the education center representative waiting for your call so they can rape your wallet just because your kid‘s an asswipe who can‘t pay attention in class because he/she is too busy texting. These “learning centers” are fear mongering hellpits that manipulate parents into thinking that a C- or D in a 7th grade class will mean your kid will end up smoking cigarettes, not getting into college and taking up gainful employment at Beeper+Cell World. Am I right, or what?

Now that June’s almost over and that means school is dunzo for most kids, let’s take a look at some of the melodramatic edu-commercials that will (hopefully) go on hiatus until the school year starts again.

Warning: These commercials will leave you in douche chills:

1. Huntington Learning Center – ‘Face it, I’m not getting into college‘ girl = I’d rather roll my boyfriend’s blunts and make mixtapes all day

2: Huntington Learning Center – ‘School’s too hard’ (translation: I’d rather smoke pot and look at porn while you’re at work):

3: Huntington Learning Center – ‘You think I wanna fail?’ (Translation: I will never get to the next level of this game if you keep busting in for a b*tchfest) [Ed note: Turn volume to its max. Sound quality poor]

4: Silvan Learning Center – ‘This is for you mom‘ (I think I just teared. And queefed, a little.)

5. Sylvan Learning Center - ‘Hurry up, we’re going to be late’ I only hope this is a spoof:

6. Champion Learning Center - The first 7 seconds of stock footage accompanied by the score from Rosemary’s Baby is just about the greatest thing ever:

7. Future Quest: It’s a commercial for a private education program and it proves that lobotomies = higher SAT scores

BONUS: Some kid filmed a spoof video with his toys!