*This post is only for women, however special exemptions are granted to men from Malawi or Ghana.

Do you know your worth–and how to translate it to dollars AND sense? Are you tired of seeing other girls in the office who have an extra pep in their step (if ya know what I mean) continue to earn MORE when you could too?

Well, the answer is simple. Really simple. And maybe just a tad obvious. Just follow this eight step program, as featured in Women’s Day magazine, and you too will be on your way to the big bucks.

STEP 1…

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What’s being sold here?

A) Hot piece of ass.

B) Stylish furniture taken from a genie’s bottle or from the Rick James estate sale.

C) A watch.

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Three Olives vodka has picked Lil’ Kim as its ambassador of the brand’s new grape flavored adult beverage, Purple, under its O-face campaign. But we all know who truly deserved the spot and was somehow overlooked…

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Stunned beachgoers saw how a terrified donkey was sent flying along the waters of southern Russia attached to a parasail.

Police say the cruel stunt was organized by local beach owners who believed the sight would attract visitors. But the unorthodox advertising ploy could land them in jail on animal cruelty charges, punishable by up to two years. The investigation is pending.

****UPDATE****

THIS JUST IN: In an incredible twist, the organizers say that the DONKEY agreed to participate!

They produced shocking evidence to support their defense. Check it out for yourself after the jump!

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Ass kicking and gun-toting in stilettos–it doesn’t get much better than. Hookers and drag queens have been doing it for years, and now, CW’s rogue assassin series Nikita adds some glamor to it all. It stars Maggie Q as a p’d-off assassin “out to exact revenge on her former employer,” premiering Thursday, September 9.

Check out the trailer after the jump!

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Butterface is seen attached to some Wolverine-like contraption in a new ad for Speedo Aqualab. Now you can see what his insides look like without sticking your head up his ass. Nah, I think I’d rather just stick my head up his ass.

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Well, you’ve got to take work wherever you can get it…right? Or it’s very likely that Alicia Silverstone’s probably clueless about her endorsement of the international travel staple, SUIT BAG! And it’s particularly useful for traveling to Brazil, Puerto Rico, Argentina, Jamaica and the country of Mexican. Yes, Mexican. It is not advised to take this product to Canada.

Via Photoshop Disasters