A Pennsylvania man faces charges after police say he beat his girlfriend with a cheesesteak.
The 33-year-old man, who wasn’t identified by police, allegedly argued with his 23-year-old girlfriend after midnight on Tuesday. He then struck the victim in the face with the cheesesteak. Harassment charges were filed with the police department.
Special thanks goes out to UK’s The Guardian for coming up with a clever way to get nut sack into a headline. Keep up the good work.
You have two guesses as to why this man looks so thrilled in the above photo:
1) He just learned that the check for £250,000,000,000,000,000 he was sent from the Bank of Nigeria is not valid.
2) He just learned that he is to become a girlfriend to his well endowed cell mate.
Phoenix police say a 21-year-old Sean Sexton, an Arizona State University student, went batshit crazy outside a local check cashing store on October 28.
Sexton fired an Airsoft rifle at the store’s windows, causing more than $15,000 worth of damage.
When police arrived, Sexton fired at them. Fortunately, officers recognized it was an air rifle and didn’t return fire.
Police are unsure why Sexton fired at the business, but believe he may have had a vendetta against it. Long lines, perhaps? LESSON: get direct deposit. Sexton was arrested on charges of aggravated assault and felony criminal damage.
Ladies (and fellas): If you haven’t seen a guy with a long stubbie yet, you don’t know what you’re missing.
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