Vanessa Williams DOMINATES in a new teaser for her debut on Desperate Housewives, September 26, 9 p.m. Based on the bitchy one-liner she delivered, it looks like the second coming of Wilhelmina Slater will be unleashed on Wisteria Lane in its seventh season.

Here are the deets:

“Williams’ character Renee Perry has a rocky marriage with a New York baseball superstar (Reggie Austin), a long-standing rivalry with college foe Lynette (Felicity Huffman) and a flirtation with a new contractor character played by Brian Austin Green.”

Who else is excited about this?

Also, if I could be a superhero, I would want THIS to be my power:

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America’s Got Talent contestant Kristina Young was more red faced than poker faced after a god awful rendition of a Lady Gaga song. I think the entire nation experienced second-hand embarrassment in solidarity as she infused Bob Fosse into Poker Face, complete with snapping of the fingers, lying on a piano, a chair dance and a chorus boy from Chicago. The episode first aired last week, and was on again last night.

If I’m correct (READ: of course I am), this chick was the only contestant in the semi-finals to receive three x’s from the judging panel.   Three X’s Translates to: “BITCH, PLEASE!”

Sharon Osbourne described it as “really wrong,” Howie Mandel likened it to a “cheesy, Saturday Night Live“ mockery of pop music. Piers Morgan kindly saved her from tears with a “don’t give up.”

This is truly the saddest/most lolz moment I’ve seen in live TV since Kate Gosselin butchered Gaga on Dancing With the Stars.

If your face does not do this, I will give you a refund:

WATCH F*CKERY AFTER THE JUMP!

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Susan Sarandon’s reacted in horror the moment Matthew Fox touched her arm during Jimmy Fallon’s Emmy after-party at Trousdale in West Hollywood last night. And it looks like she might have to change her undies. Olivia Munn and Fox’s wife Margherita Ronchi look on, and they’re probably breathing through their mouths.

Furious Suzette Snider says she walked in on her 21-year-old SON Cody having SEX in the season finale of Growing Up Twisted, an A&E series that follows the everyday life of Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider and his family.

The heavy metal matriarch is seen checking in on Cody, a Full Sail film student, who has a final project due. When she sees him wearing only boxer briefs–and with his girlfriend sitting on his bed–she accuses him of ignoring his studies to have a romp. “Do you have an erection? Are you having sex?” she scolds him. But he denies having sex and insists he prefers to do school work in underwear because it helps him “concentrate.”

Moments later, she accuses her son of “playing with his penis” in front of her after he covers his private area to spare his blushes in front of his brother who weighed in on the quarrel. That’s when Cody backs away and knocks his head into the production cameras. She adds: “You put frickin’ pants on right this second or I’ll put the pants on you,” she tells him.

WATCH THE HILARIOUS VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP!

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Host Jimmy Fallon did such a good job, they already made him a wax statue.

Mad Men actress Christina Hendricks showed up late, but I hear that her chest arrived 10 minutes before that.

True Blood vagine Anna Paquin: “TORO, TORO!” Could she look anymore like a bullfighter?

Uh, maybe.

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Emmy host Jimmy Fallon Gleeked out, big time, on TV’s biggest night with various singing bits and a great opening number featuring the cast of Glee, Betty White, Tina Fey, Kate Gosselin, Jon Hamm, fat dude from Lost, Joel McHale and Randy Jackson performing Born to Run. Can we say epic?!

Big winners of the night included Modern Family, which upset Glee for Best Comedy (upside down smiley face), Mad Men for Best Drama (eye roll, duh), Top Chef ousted seven-years-in-a-row winner Amazing Race for Best Reality Competition series (thank god), and tracksuit goddess Jane Lynch claimed Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy for Glee.

The list of winners goes on, check it out after the jump!

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A 17-year-old girl was punched in the face at an X Factor audition after her best friend became furious with her performance.

Lisa Parker says a bad critique from judge Simon Cowell sent her friend Abbey Johnston into a rage.

“All of a sudden I felt something across my head,” Lisa told the Daily Mirror. “I just remember being hit and then having a headache.”

And now the teen says the friendship is broken–and believes X Factor is to blame. “If Simon hadn’t been so nasty, this probably wouldn’t have happened,” she says.

The episode airs Saturday on ITV.

WATCH THE VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP!!!

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