I asked, you answered. According to last week’s poll, your favorite juice box is Squeeze-its with 44% of the vote. Followed by Capri Sun at 36% and Hi-C and Juicy Juice tie at 10%.

Before she was a punchline, Anna Nicole Smith was a shitty actress for B-movies starring John Travolta’s brother. Here are some unearthed outtakes of our dearly departed Anna desperately trying to recite her lines, immediately after having them read to her. The clip is slightly NSFWish, there are some blurry boobs in a few shots.

Via Blog of Hilarity

Let’s all agree that people who are stupid enough to get scammed, pretty much deserve it. For those of you who helped finance a Nigerian prince or got charged an additional $50 to your phone bill to hear Paula Abdul’s pre-recorded message–twice–I have no sympathy for you. Just take a look at some of these ridiculous 900 numbers from the ’80s and ’90s and explain to me how anyone could possibly dial them:

Crying hotline
Cost: $2 per minute
What it is: People sobbing uncontrollably
Cheaper alternative: Hear Heidi Montag sing and you too will sob uncontrollably.

Secret confessions
Cost: $2 first minute. $1 each additional minute
What it is: Listen in privately to women confessing their inner most feelings
Cheaper alternative: Go to the JJB message boards or Twitter to find out about people burning their toast

Freddy Kruger hotline
Cost: $2 first minute, 45 cents each additional minute
What it is: Listen to a child murderer tell you bed time stories. Ask mom and dad for permission first!
WTF: As a child, this commercial scared me. As an adult, this commercial made me shit myself all over again.

UFO hotline
Cost: $2 first minute, 35 cents each additional minute
Cheaper alternative: Read Weekly World News or Star magazine. Both are filled with far more entertaining lies.

Santa hotline:
Cost: 69 cents per minute
What it is: Call Santa at home in the North Pole
Cheaper alternative: Take your kids to the fucking mall

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Take a look at two very similar scenes from “Clueless” and “Sex and the City.” Carrie gets robbed and reacts in an almost identical way to Cher.

In my research for a hooker story I’m working on, I came across this wonderful gem of Wesley Snipes in Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever:

I’m absolutely in love with commenter cocbrowney, who wrote:

NOOOOOOOOOO!? What you cryin’ ’bout fool? $2 is fuckin’ bargain, what with credit crunch and everything. I wish I could get some head for $2. I guess he only had $1.98 in his pocket…

The scene actually serves as a metaphor for the character’s fears of properly raising his daughter in the climate of the ’90s crack epidemic. Blah blah blah.

In an update from Ice Ice Babies, former red Power Ranger star Austin St. John is now living in D.C. working as a paramedic. He looks as if he had a major allergic reaction and just inflated to Kirstie Alley proportions. What a shame! The 33-year-old was such a hotpiece back in the day.

Oh, and did you know Trini, the yellow ranger, is dead? The black ranger had a DUI. The blue ranger is still boring. The pink ranger is still employed and sings too. The white ranger is hotter than ever, if you’re into the tatoo’d martial artist sort of thing. Check it out — Power Rangers: Then and Now

They did forget about one really important character, Rita Repulsa. I’m not sure what happened to her, but my guess is she morphed into Lil’ Kim:

Long before Jerry Springer had family food fights on his show, Richard Bey was tying fat chicks to skinny dudes and having them race on roller skates. And before guests were snatching wigs off on Ricki Lake, Richard Bey was doing it to the guests on his show himself.

And on every show, he always asked the same question every viewer at home was thinking: “Where do they find these people?”

Richard Bey = god.

He’s got the delivery of a Catskills comic, and can feign enthusiasm like no other host in the biz.  Sure, his audience and guests are of the Waffle-House-and-Dollar-Store demographic. But there’s no denying Richard Bey is the best peddler of schlock entertainment there is.

In its heyday, The Richard Bey Show was a popular, nationally syndicated cocktail of trash culture: Guests were pied in the face, there were hot mom & daughter contests, and who can forget the cheesetastic sound effects?  Two women fighting = soundboard of howling cats: No other talk show was quite like The Richard Bey Show.

It was canceled in 1996–during the “clean up” of television. Jenny Jones, Ricki Lake and a slew of others eventually met the axe too.

And while survivor Jerry Springer managed to gain a fortune–and a–following as the “ringmaster” of tv trash, that door would not have been open, if not for Richard Bey–a true icon of kitsch entertainment.

Recently he resurfaced in the Sacha Baron Cohen flick Bruno, and starred as himself–a talk show host with an outlandish guest, Bruno. According to reports, the audience was real, but the show was not. No, sadly there isn’t a Richard Bey Show still on the air–or any thing else comparable.

To honor the man, I’d like to offer 15 reasons why The Richard Bey Show was the best fucking thing, ever.

1. The show was a hot mess. Watch Richard Bey accidentally snatch a wig off a guest:

2. Richard Bey has the best fans:

3. The fights were never edited:

4. The best place to reveal a secret was on The Richard Bey Show:

5. And another:

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