A man in Scotland was savaged by SIX gangsters armed with hammers and chisels who chopped off his penis then left him for dead on a road!

Police say 26-year-old Bryan Hanlon, who has gang connections, was the victim of a gruesome attack in Glasgow on Sunday by a rival gang who ran him off a road until he crashed his car, then hauled him out for an attack that left him mutilated.

The victim suffered from multiple fractions and head injuries, in addition to a severed penis. He also sustained injuries inflicted by a CHISEL up his ANUS. He is now in critical condition in the hospital.

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A Kansas City clerk took matters into his own hands yesterday when he fired off shots at two would-be robbers who tried to hold up his Shell gas station, reports KMBC 9 News.

And now, authorities are concerned that the clerk may have gone too far. Security footage shows the man defending himself against the attackers, but he continues to fire off at them even as they fled. Experts say it’s unclear if shooting at someone who runs away counts as a self defense act under law.

The suspects are still at large.

But the real gem from this story comes from the very eccentric witness (READ: Bat shit crazy) who gave an extremely detailed account of what happened. I could listen to her all day. This calls for a remix…anyone?…anyone?

Ladies and gentlemen, meet this next Internet star after the jump!
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Crazed gunman James J. Lee was shot to death yesterday after he held hostages in a four-hour standoff with police at the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Spring, Md.

According to reports, the man was driven to madness by Kate Plus 8 (on Discovery’s sister network TLC),  and argued that the network should air  “programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility” instead. He also complained that other Discovery shows like Planet Green were “about more PRODUCTS to make MONEY, not actual solutions,” he said.

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A woman in India says she BREASTFEEDS her calf three to four times a day after the mother cow died four days after birth.

“After her mother died, I held her in my arms and breastfed her. I nurtured her by feeding her my milk. She was so young when the cow died. For me there is no difference between a calf and an infant,” Chouthi Bai told reporters.

She says she plans on slowly taking the calf off the breast milk, once it gets used to its new diet of bread and water.

UNCENSORED VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP!

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A Louisiana man says he couldn’t believe his when he looked at a neighborhood utility pole and saw the image of Jesus Christ!

According to reports, Rickey Navarre of Hathaway says the silhouette appears of Jesus hanging on the cross appears on the cross-shaped utility pole that’s covered in vines. He told KPLC News:  “It’s a sign from God.”

Via KPLC

A Bulgarian man says he plans to get a cosmetic overhaul–complete with a SEX CHANGE operation to become his pop idol, Lady Gaga!

Penio Daskalov, 24, a singer and reality TV star, already has such convincing feminine looks that he was able to dupe his Big Brother (Bulgaria) housemates into thinking he was a woman.

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A golfer single-handedly ignited a 12-acre blaze in ONE SWING!

According to reports, more than 150 firefighters responded to a fire that broke out near Shady Canyon Golf Course in Irvine, Calif. over the weekend.

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