A Kansas City clerk took matters into his own hands yesterday when he fired off shots at two would-be robbers who tried to hold up his Shell gas station, reports KMBC 9 News.

And now, authorities are concerned that the clerk may have gone too far. Security footage shows the man defending himself against the attackers, but he continues to fire off at them even as they fled. Experts say it’s unclear if shooting at someone who runs away counts as a self defense act under law.

The suspects are still at large.

But the real gem from this story comes from the very eccentric witness (READ: Bat shit crazy) who gave an extremely detailed account of what happened. I could listen to her all day. This calls for a remix…anyone?…anyone?

Ladies and gentlemen, meet this next Internet star after the jump!
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Suspicious nose wipers Roberto Cavalli and a model friend turn their brains into snow globes whilst on holiday aboard a yacht in Monte Carlo on Monday. Does Roberto Cavalli have the weirdest body shape you’ve ever seen on a man? It looks like a pillow he swallowed got stuck under his chest en route to the stomach.

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Lindsay Lohan was snapped exiting a probation office in Santa Monica earlier today. And uhhh…how do I put this? Something l(o)(o)ks funny about her appearance, and I’m not talking about how quickly she tanned following her recent rehab release. Do you see what I’m talking about? No?

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Kelis unveiled her blond, vertical new ‘do at Ibiza Rocks in Spain on Tuesday. There can only be one possible source of inspiration Kelis looked to…

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