An evening swim turned into a terror ride for a Florida woman who says she suddenly found herself on the back of a shark!

Judy Fischman was swimming at Bethune Beach at 7:15 p.m. on Thursday when she was lifted above the water, The Daytona Beach News-Journal reports. “My first thought was ‘I hope this is a manatee,’ “ Judy said. “Then I saw other sharks and I thought, ‘My God, how am I going to escape a whole group of sharks?’ ”

Witnesses confirmed her story and say they watched in horror as the sharks surrounded the woman. “I about screamed and said, ‘Oh my God, oh my God, they’re heading right to her, right to her,’ “ a woman told The News-Journal. She says Judy was the only person in the water at the time.

Incredibly, Judy recalled shark attack advice she heard on TV and began punching the shark. She says the animal rolled over and took off along with its companions.

Judy believes she became the subject of their attention because they mistook her for a seal. “I had on a black bathing suit,” she said.

She suffered only scrapes on her legs.

A shark expert at the University of Florida says it’s not unlikely that she saw a shark, but it could’ve been a dolphin or small whale.

WATCH THE VIDEO REPORT AFTER THE JUMP!
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I asked, you answered. According to last week’s poll, your favorite butterface-of-the-moment is Lady GaGa with 55% of the vote. Followed by Kanye West at 32% and Heidi Montag at 13%. Keep voting!

My new favorite site is The Age Project! It’s a guessing game of sorts where  look at a person’s picture, judge his or her age, and realize that you don’t know shit about guessing someone’s age. Take the girl above, for instance. I guessed she was 26 years old. What is your guess?

Answer in the jump!

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When I wrote the post on “A beautiful, graceful songbird,” I mean it with all due ridiculousness. It’s actually an unfortunate closeup of a drag queen at a club during D.C.’s pride weekend. In the caption I wrote:

Who is this beautiful woman, surrounded by gentlemen of leisure who are enchanted by the echos of her soothing voice, you ask? Just look at the curves of her body–surely she can provide a man with a fleet of sons. And the proper double chin–she must be the daughter of a merchant.

And the exchange of comments that followed made me LOL:

DAVID: Who is it please?

HOTLADY: I am sure you meant this tongue in cheek. She may be talented but to call her graceful is a real stretch.

So, comment-of-the-week BJs go out to David and Hotlady! Keep ‘em coming, guys!

Who knew there was an eye-roll for just about every thing? The immigration eye-roll…the Hilary Clinton eye-roll…the gay marriage eye-roll…the I just shot another load on my keyboard again eye-roll oops.  And so much more. But in this video, the southern beauty named all but two other eye-rolls you all probably know very well. The “I just sat through this whole f*cking video eye-roll” — I can teach you that one, as I sit through many, many videos every day just for you guys. And then there’s another eye-roll she missed, as one special commenter points out:

Where’s the “when’s ma daddy gunna finish touchin’ me” eye roll?

So, a very special commenter-of-the-week BJ goes out to Kevin who tapped into the redneckery of the Eye-rolling gets real video and produced a good ole incest quip. That was some funny shit.

Keep the comments coming, guys!

A cross-eyed man was arrested after he crashed into a Kansas City, Mo. movie theater on Wednesday.
According to reports, police attempted to pull over Sterling Devine, but he ran two stop signs and a red light before he crashed his car into the theater. He then shattered his car window with a baseball bat and tried to crawl out of the car until police subdued him with the old high voltage treatment, which–by the way–didn’t help to correct that eye. He should just pretend that he didn’t have crossed eyes until they Tasered his ass, and sue the city to get some sympathy money for that hideous thing.

Via KCTV

I’m undergoing some site maintenance to improve performance. I should be at 100% soon, but please continue to visit and I’ll keep adding posts! You can e-mail me at tabloidprodigy@gmail.com