A Naples, Florida, man was arrested last week after allegedly threatening a woman with a gun after she told him his car was smoking. When police arrived at the scene, the suspect, Mark Loescher, claimed he was half orangutan, before making various other wild claims.

The Huffington Post reports:

Florida police also say Loescher told them he was also Elvis Presley’s brother, a friend of President Bush, and director of the CIA.

The [Naples Daily News] also reports that Loescher allegedly told police that he needed to call the “Fusion Center” about his monkey blood.

Unfortunately, not even a monkey blood emergency can save you from the law. Loescher was immediately taken to the Naples Jail Center for booking.