A man in Scotland was savaged by SIX gangsters armed with hammers and chisels who chopped off his penis then left him for dead on a road!

Police say 26-year-old Bryan Hanlon, who has gang connections, was the victim of a gruesome attack in Glasgow on Sunday by a rival gang who ran him off a road until he crashed his car, then hauled him out for an attack that left him mutilated.

The victim suffered from multiple fractions and head injuries, in addition to a severed penis. He also sustained injuries inflicted by a CHISEL up his ANUS. He is now in critical condition in the hospital.

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A Kansas City clerk took matters into his own hands yesterday when he fired off shots at two would-be robbers who tried to hold up his Shell gas station, reports KMBC 9 News.

And now, authorities are concerned that the clerk may have gone too far. Security footage shows the man defending himself against the attackers, but he continues to fire off at them even as they fled. Experts say it’s unclear if shooting at someone who runs away counts as a self defense act under law.

The suspects are still at large.

But the real gem from this story comes from the very eccentric witness (READ: Bat shit crazy) who gave an extremely detailed account of what happened. I could listen to her all day. This calls for a remix…anyone?…anyone?

Ladies and gentlemen, meet this next Internet star after the jump!
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At left, YouTube star Antoine Dodson in a pressed ‘do. At right, Pittsburgh Steeler Troy Polamalu lets his fabulous raven ringlets flow.

Only one has a $1 million insurance policy taken out on his hair. Can you guess which one?

Answer after the jump!

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Crazed gunman James J. Lee was shot to death yesterday after he held hostages in a four-hour standoff with police at the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Spring, Md.

According to reports, the man was driven to madness by Kate Plus 8 (on Discovery’s sister network TLC),  and argued that the network should air  “programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility” instead. He also complained that other Discovery shows like Planet Green were “about more PRODUCTS to make MONEY, not actual solutions,” he said.

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The question that keeps you up all night: What’s better than little kids (but not nearly as good as drag queens) performing Lady Gaga and Beyonce? Well, look up. That’s right–LITTLE ADULTS!

Watch Terra Jole as “MINI GAGA” and Tonya Banks as “MINI BEYONCE” have a turn at Telephone in a performance after a Zephyrs baseball game in New Orleans, recorded in June.

As you’ll see, these girls are STARS–the crowd went completely wild for them. Especially this guy:

He gets a lot of camera time, so pay attention to how animated he gets.

VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP!

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THE CAMPAIGN CONTINUES…

Hello, friends (new and old)!!!

Add me on Facebook and tell your friends to do the same! I post a lot of fun links to things I don’t have time to post on here, so check it out.  I’m on Twitter too.

If you have any tips, pictures, videos–anything you’d like to see on here, feel free to shoot me an e-mail at tabloidprodigy@gmail.com

Hmmm…Okay…I guess I’ll just have to be the first one to say it: Something looks VERY off about Rihanna in these new pictures, taken Tuesday. Did Rihanna’s fivehead get bigger or something? Let’s have a closer look.

I’m convinced it got bigger.

Just to add some perspective and adjust for scale to help emphasize my point, take a look at a comparison to the world’s largest billboard:

So……..much…….space. How the eff is this possible?

***UPDATE***

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